howard’s life

no
how could you know
i barely fuckin’ know

i wonder if anyone reads this anymore. maybe tonya gets like some kind of notice if i write something.

i think sydney and melanie came in here and checked it out once or twice. hi if you see this. i love you both.

i made a conscious decision not to just fuckin’ spew my personal shit all over the internet. something i am perfectly capable of doing, btw. and i mean i can spew it ALL the hell over. the whole damn world will see it

i am tempted to completely rip apart the lives of a couple people just because of spam. i haven’t because i refuse to give them the power and because truth is i am SO surrounded by assholes that the shit that’s annoying me may actually be coming from someone else.

i live for tiny temporary flash like moments of clarity and beauty and art and revelation and love

they last for SECONDS. maybe less. in return i slog through days weeks months god i can’t bear it of horrible trudge sludge ick yuck

they make it worth it

but sometimes it is fuckin’ CLOSE

i ain’t ever going where lois went it’s a pussy way even though you need a bunch of balls for about half a second

but every once in a while

i fuckin’ get it

i’m not a pussy. i’m not going. and i’m nice cause i live with the world’s nicest person. but that can change. in an instant. and yes this is fuckin’ nice. live with it.

go ask someone who watched me…uh…before. there aren’t that many of ‘em but they are out there. go ask Mitchell or James. you can’t ask steven or bill cause they’re fuckin’ dead. you could ask lisa but i have a feeling we don’t need to link her up here. or go ask my poor old father before i kill him by sending him to some goddamn place 300 or 3000 or whatever miles away.

i really do love my honey

i’m never gonna completely get her

i had better make sure i am fuckin’ happy for more than 3 seconds a month

later

oh and by the way

from the Bill of Rights. The first ten amemdments to the U.S. Constitution. Go ahead and click it. It’s a live link and none of you have read it and you ALL SHOULD FUCKIN’ READ IT.

here’s today’s talmud lesson

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
_________________________

If you don’t get why I think this shit is so important, fuckin’ read it again. And again. And again until you get it for pete’s sake.
_______________________________

howard

And somebody said “Hey man did you see that? His body hit the street with such a beautiful thud”
I wonder what the dude was sayin’ or was he just lost in the flood?

bruce springsteen

Hooray for Captain Spaulding — The African Explorer

it’s a hilarious application too. people must think i’m a moron.

i want more more more

please

Old Dirty Bastard

sure

i want six inches of new 100’s.

i want her to be alive, sane, and 10,000 miles away from me at all times.

i want to eat pounds of carbohydrates every day and not gain a pound.

i want to be 30 years old.

i want people not to be assholes.

i want to be honest with myself.  or at least able to see the true things about myself.

i want….tell me what you want she says…if you don’t say what you want how will you get it….

like my grandfather….if you don’t ask, you don’t get….

ok

for years i wanted to be arnold schwarzenegger.  and the shrink said to me one day ‘why do all the guys want to be arnold schwarzenegger?”

it threw me.  i asked her “they do?”  she said “yeah they all do.  just like you.  why?”

i dunno.  maybe cause he’s rich and built (or was) and famous and successful…

Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?
Lydia the tattooed lady
She has eyes that men adore so
And a torso even more so
Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclopedia
Lydia, the queen of tattoo
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo
Beside it the Wreck of the Hesperus, too
And proudly above waves the red, white and blue
You can learn a lot from Lydia

Harburg and Arlen.  Good luck finding the sheet music.  I’ll take it down if anyone wants me to.  It’s only a piece of the song anyway.  Groucho sang it (or it probably would have disappeared).

later

happy birthday

i hope you are happier

i am sitting here in front of the computer.

i am over 5100 miles away from my love.

i have eaten and drank (drunk?) things i should not have.

i have also had it pointed out to me recently that i don’t come to our site my site tonya’s site OUR OUR OUR site anymore. bay city blues.  ours.  and i don’t fucking GO THERE.

oh.

___________________________ 

hell i don’t even know which damn amendment of the bill of rights i gave you last. not that anyone cares besides me. but me is enough. let’s go for Amendment III AND Amendment IV just in case i’m out of order.
___________________________

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
__________________________

That may not seem like a big one now, but it must have been damn important a couple hundred years ago. and i guess if someone decided they needed to put up soldiers in YOUR house, it would probably be a big deal again. we take shit for granted now. don’t.

___________________________

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

_____________________________

Well, that’s still a big one. maybe even bigger than it was. or maybe not. the gov’t doing whatever the hell they want to you and your home and your shit has probably been a big deal for a long time. sitting here over 5000 miles from home reminds me big time that it does NOT work like that everywhere. we all should make sure it keeps working like that in the usa. everyone go do your part. even if it’s just going on your phone sex site and reminding people to protect their damn rights and not give them the fuck away.

_____________________________

there’s reasons i haven’t been there. hell i don’t even keep up my own site anymore. (though i’ve decided to post this entry here.  we’ll see where the next one goes.)  and this has MY OWN DAMN NAME ON IT. those reasons were pointed out to me recently. and i am NOT proud of them and i was NOT happy to hear them and they are, sadly, correct.

_____________________________

i used to have a friend who would occasionally quote the last two lines of this stanza below. kind of a general thing he said if he thought trouble was coming. which for him covered a lot of ground. i’m not even sure he knew where they came from. he was drunk a lot.

The wheel is turning
and you can’t slow down
You can’t let go
and you can’t hold on
You can’t go back
and you can’t stand still
If the thunder don’t get you
then the lightning will

the words are by robert hunter
the music is by jerry garcia and bill kreutzmann
the copyright belongs to ice nine publishing and if they want me to take it down i will

but mr hunter is correct. the wheel turns and you can’t stop it.

“Hand over your responses to the man who triggers them, and you have already lost the battle for self.  Look beyond, and find yourself there instead.”

Richard K. Morgan.  From “Thirteen.”

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

did you read about basketball player Josh Howard of the Mavericks?  probably.  they gave him crap from one end of the media to the other.  this started with a video, posted, like everything else in the world, on youtube. It shows him at the beginning of some charity game coming over to the camera and saying “‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ is going on right now. I don’t even celebrate that shit. I’m black.”

well. while everyone is reflexively giving this guy crap for disrespecting some idea. right? isn’t that what you’re doing if you give him shit? and what’s the idea. well that’s easy. we’re America. we are the place where you are SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. damn.

that why everyone is giving him crap? or are you protecting the fucking SONG?

so why shouldn’t he act like that. here take a look at this. Dated September 20 1008. America. 21st Century. This link I’ll give you. It’s an Associated Press story headlined: Poll: Racial misgivings of whites an Obama issue.

now before anyone starts calling me naive or anything just let me explain something here. when i was a kid, my mom was into local politics. for years she was a Democratic commiteewoman in North Bergen, N.J., right in the middle of Hudson County. She worked with and for a local group including Mayor Angelo Sarubbi. I never remember even hearing anyone call him anything but “Mayor Sarubbi.” as far as I knew he had always been mayor.

my mom was one of the seriously local people at the root of what you need. when you went to vote she was one of the women with the books. and after it closed we would come and meet her on election nights (it was in the basement of our apartment building in a big group af apartment buildings) after she and her friends COUNTED THE DAMN VOTES. so nobody go thinking i’m being naive here.

Did you read the AP story? what are you people, all MORONS? no wonder Josh Howard doesn’t think he should celebrate the anthem. i don’t fuckin’ blame him.

you people are not gonna vote for Obama because he’s BLACK? he’s fucking GREEN don’t any of you get it? He’s the Senator from ILLINOIS. He’s the Senator from CHICAGO. wake the hell up.

he was a “community organizer?” good. ive seen that. they get shit done. cause it’s politics and you get votes and in return you get shit for your community. that’s how it works. you get more votes you get more shit. all politics is local. tip o’neill had that one right. why do you think Obama had to saddle himself with a lifelong machine hack like Biden? indeed how the hell do you think he got what he needed in enough states to take the nomination away from Clinton. damn good job he did.

but how can you people not vote for him because he’s BLACK? i just don’t get it. instead you’re going to take some guy who thinks we can WIN in Iraq? how the fuck do you “Win” ?

i don’t know where to start. how can you vote for a guy who believes in any of that platform? they want to outlaw abortion. they have an absurd economic plan. They want to use homeland security crap to take away any rights they missed. they flat out tell you they want to take away judicial review and use that as a measure of whether someone should be nominated for judicial positions. that’s…uh….SERIOUS. dopes. morons. you simply CANNOT vote for this guy. put the country in the hands of the fundamentalists. go ahead. dopes.

i KNOW Obama got stuck with the political hack because that’s the way it is. all the crap about “vetting” his choices. ok fine. Truman was a political hack too. But Roosevelt was used up and couldn’t make it. and imho Truman did fine.

but i mean what is going on? you want to not be able to make a phone sex call? you people need to read some history.

that’s my rant do what you want with it.

i was watching Florida beat up Miami yesterday and they showed this palatial strength training room that Florida built for its football team.  truly magnificent.  and up on the top over the…lobby?…rotunda??…was this large sign built into some piece hanging off the ceiling.  it reads “Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body.”

so first i want to make fun of it.  but actually i don’t think it’s completely wrong.  indeed you have different kinds of pain and it sort of holds true right across.  i think maybe i internalize it a little differently and might phrase it a little differently but it’s kind of right.  here.  i walked 2.97 miles today to the store and back.  only stop was right at the middle at the coffee store by the market.

and i want to tell you i was suffering severely by the time i hit the coffee store.  i’m gonna build this damn leg back up or it’s gonna break off.  and i’m gonna get the damn circulation working down to the toes.  if i have to walk 5 miles a day.  or more.  and it HURTS.    i wouldn’t have thought of it as weakness leaving.  i kind of yell at my leg.  silently.  i curse it and call it horrible things and tell it if it wants to stop hurting go build up blood vessels and find some damn blood and oxygen and fix yourself cause i’m making you walk till you scream.  so ok yes it’s weird yelling at your own body parts like they’re somehow disconnected.  but it isn’t.  i can feel what’s going on.  it can find corollaries and build them up i can feel it.  but it has to do it.  i have to do it.  but the strength is in there.  it isn’t exactly the weakness leaving so much as the strength asserting.  maybe i just turned into a glass half full person cause of Tonya, but there it is.

I want to go on about psychological pain and how it can make you stronger (assuming that you live through it. same as physical in that way i guess). But i think it will get too involved and too depressing/introspective/lost in memory for me tonight. I have other pain for the moment. And a pretty positive attitude going on. That pain…or its result, actually…will be here for us to discuss (me to discuss) another time.

i tried to find out where “pain is weakness leaving your body” actually originated but i had very little luck. there’s one group giving credit to the armed forces, usuallly the marines. there’s one group backing the endurance athlete theory, often ending up with this guy named Gerald Fusil who created this race called the Raid Gauloises which is some sort of team endurance thing that apparently helped inspire the Survivor guy (mark burnett). my guess is both theories are wrong. but i don’t know the right one so…

how do you like summer glau by the way? there’s a lot of pics of her out there. she’s popular now. she was on firefly and now she’s on terminator/sarah conner.

Tonya says I should show this to you. You know I sell covers and aerophilatelic items with my brother. OK. Here’s a cover we just sold. We’ve handled these before. Lemme get a picture of it in here.

[Show as slideshow]

This cover is from 1936.  It’s from the first Rocket Mail Flight in the United States.  It’s got a special cachet (that’s the handstamp that says Greenwood Lake NY to Hewitt NJ / Via Rocket Airplane Gloria).  It’s got a special souvenir envelope and a sticker made up just for the occasion.  It has a U.S. Special Delivery stamp and a postmark from the Hewitt, N.J. post office.  We’ve sold these before.  People like them.  They aren’t worth a fortune, but they’re absolutely desired and collected. 

Now you know this is the first Rocket Mail in the United States not just because I am telling you, but the infallible Wikipedia itself says so.  Go to this Wikipedia Rocket Mail Page, and scroll down just a bit to the section headed “United States Postal Service.” The first line in that section, and I quote here, is:

“The first successful delivery of mail by a rocket in the United States was made on 23 February 1936, when two rockets that were launched from the New Jersey shore of Greenwood Lake landed on the New York shore, some 300 metres away.”

Now remember this when you want to trust Wikipedia. Just keep this in mind. They say “first SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY OF MAIL,” and yes, those are my capitals. Now here’s a link to a video someone actually made on Greenwood Lake, N.Y. that February day in 1936. Watch the entire tape please. It isn’t all that long. It is, however, absolutely HILARIOUS. You WILL see both of the two rockets. You WILL see them load the mail onto the rocket Gloria (the captions are in German. “6000 Briefen Und Karten” means 6000 lettes and postcards. It’s the bag they stuff into the..uh…rocket).

remember this next time you want to trust Wikipedia.

Greenwood Lake Rocket Video

then call us for Hot Rocket Phone Sex.

[Nibbler explains the Giant Brains' plan]
Leela: You mean those giant brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?
[Nibbler chatters]
Leela: Ooooooooooh. Stupid-ER.

[having been trapped in a parallel universe]
Giant Brain #1: Well, here we are. Trapped for eternity.
Giant Brain #2: We could sing ‘American Pie’.
Fry: Go ahead. I deserve it.

Leela: Well, at least here you’ll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator.

 Call 1 866 SEXY-832 and tell them you want Phone Sex with Leela.

Then go to My Love’s Web Site and when you’re done there go have Food! Cute Chefs! Fluttering Hearts!