howard’s life

“Hand over your responses to the man who triggers them, and you have already lost the battle for self.  Look beyond, and find yourself there instead.”

Richard K. Morgan.  From “Thirteen.”

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

did you read about basketball player Josh Howard of the Mavericks?  probably.  they gave him crap from one end of the media to the other.  this started with a video, posted, like everything else in the world, on youtube. It shows him at the beginning of some charity game coming over to the camera and saying “‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ is going on right now. I don’t even celebrate that shit. I’m black.”

well. while everyone is reflexively giving this guy crap for disrespecting some idea. right? isn’t that what you’re doing if you give him shit? and what’s the idea. well that’s easy. we’re America. we are the place where you are SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. damn.

that why everyone is giving him crap? or are you protecting the fucking SONG?

so why shouldn’t he act like that. here take a look at this. Dated September 20 1008. America. 21st Century. This link I’ll give you. It’s an Associated Press story headlined: Poll: Racial misgivings of whites an Obama issue.

now before anyone starts calling me naive or anything just let me explain something here. when i was a kid, my mom was into local politics. for years she was a Democratic commiteewoman in North Bergen, N.J., right in the middle of Hudson County. She worked with and for a local group including Mayor Angelo Sarubbi. I never remember even hearing anyone call him anything but “Mayor Sarubbi.” as far as I knew he had always been mayor.

my mom was one of the seriously local people at the root of what you need. when you went to vote she was one of the women with the books. and after it closed we would come and meet her on election nights (it was in the basement of our apartment building in a big group af apartment buildings) after she and her friends COUNTED THE DAMN VOTES. so nobody go thinking i’m being naive here.

Did you read the AP story? what are you people, all MORONS? no wonder Josh Howard doesn’t think he should celebrate the anthem. i don’t fuckin’ blame him.

you people are not gonna vote for Obama because he’s BLACK? he’s fucking GREEN don’t any of you get it? He’s the Senator from ILLINOIS. He’s the Senator from CHICAGO. wake the hell up.

he was a “community organizer?” good. ive seen that. they get shit done. cause it’s politics and you get votes and in return you get shit for your community. that’s how it works. you get more votes you get more shit. all politics is local. tip o’neill had that one right. why do you think Obama had to saddle himself with a lifelong machine hack like Biden? indeed how the hell do you think he got what he needed in enough states to take the nomination away from Clinton. damn good job he did.

but how can you people not vote for him because he’s BLACK? i just don’t get it. instead you’re going to take some guy who thinks we can WIN in Iraq? how the fuck do you “Win” ?

i don’t know where to start. how can you vote for a guy who believes in any of that platform? they want to outlaw abortion. they have an absurd economic plan. They want to use homeland security crap to take away any rights they missed. they flat out tell you they want to take away judicial review and use that as a measure of whether someone should be nominated for judicial positions. that’s…uh….SERIOUS. dopes. morons. you simply CANNOT vote for this guy. put the country in the hands of the fundamentalists. go ahead. dopes.

i KNOW Obama got stuck with the political hack because that’s the way it is. all the crap about “vetting” his choices. ok fine. Truman was a political hack too. But Roosevelt was used up and couldn’t make it. and imho Truman did fine.

but i mean what is going on? you want to not be able to make a phone sex call? you people need to read some history.

that’s my rant do what you want with it.

i was watching Florida beat up Miami yesterday and they showed this palatial strength training room that Florida built for its football team.  truly magnificent.  and up on the top over the…lobby?…rotunda??…was this large sign built into some piece hanging off the ceiling.  it reads “Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body.”

so first i want to make fun of it.  but actually i don’t think it’s completely wrong.  indeed you have different kinds of pain and it sort of holds true right across.  i think maybe i internalize it a little differently and might phrase it a little differently but it’s kind of right.  here.  i walked 2.97 miles today to the store and back.  only stop was right at the middle at the coffee store by the market.

and i want to tell you i was suffering severely by the time i hit the coffee store.  i’m gonna build this damn leg back up or it’s gonna break off.  and i’m gonna get the damn circulation working down to the toes.  if i have to walk 5 miles a day.  or more.  and it HURTS.    i wouldn’t have thought of it as weakness leaving.  i kind of yell at my leg.  silently.  i curse it and call it horrible things and tell it if it wants to stop hurting go build up blood vessels and find some damn blood and oxygen and fix yourself cause i’m making you walk till you scream.  so ok yes it’s weird yelling at your own body parts like they’re somehow disconnected.  but it isn’t.  i can feel what’s going on.  it can find corollaries and build them up i can feel it.  but it has to do it.  i have to do it.  but the strength is in there.  it isn’t exactly the weakness leaving so much as the strength asserting.  maybe i just turned into a glass half full person cause of Tonya, but there it is.

I want to go on about psychological pain and how it can make you stronger (assuming that you live through it. same as physical in that way i guess). But i think it will get too involved and too depressing/introspective/lost in memory for me tonight. I have other pain for the moment. And a pretty positive attitude going on. That pain…or its result, actually…will be here for us to discuss (me to discuss) another time.

i tried to find out where “pain is weakness leaving your body” actually originated but i had very little luck. there’s one group giving credit to the armed forces, usuallly the marines. there’s one group backing the endurance athlete theory, often ending up with this guy named Gerald Fusil who created this race called the Raid Gauloises which is some sort of team endurance thing that apparently helped inspire the Survivor guy (mark burnett). my guess is both theories are wrong. but i don’t know the right one so…

how do you like summer glau by the way? there’s a lot of pics of her out there. she’s popular now. she was on firefly and now she’s on terminator/sarah conner.

Tonya says I should show this to you. You know I sell covers and aerophilatelic items with my brother. OK. Here’s a cover we just sold. We’ve handled these before. Lemme get a picture of it in here.

[Show as slideshow]

This cover is from 1936.  It’s from the first Rocket Mail Flight in the United States.  It’s got a special cachet (that’s the handstamp that says Greenwood Lake NY to Hewitt NJ / Via Rocket Airplane Gloria).  It’s got a special souvenir envelope and a sticker made up just for the occasion.  It has a U.S. Special Delivery stamp and a postmark from the Hewitt, N.J. post office.  We’ve sold these before.  People like them.  They aren’t worth a fortune, but they’re absolutely desired and collected. 

Now you know this is the first Rocket Mail in the United States not just because I am telling you, but the infallible Wikipedia itself says so.  Go to this Wikipedia Rocket Mail Page, and scroll down just a bit to the section headed “United States Postal Service.” The first line in that section, and I quote here, is:

“The first successful delivery of mail by a rocket in the United States was made on 23 February 1936, when two rockets that were launched from the New Jersey shore of Greenwood Lake landed on the New York shore, some 300 metres away.”

Now remember this when you want to trust Wikipedia. Just keep this in mind. They say “first SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY OF MAIL,” and yes, those are my capitals. Now here’s a link to a video someone actually made on Greenwood Lake, N.Y. that February day in 1936. Watch the entire tape please. It isn’t all that long. It is, however, absolutely HILARIOUS. You WILL see both of the two rockets. You WILL see them load the mail onto the rocket Gloria (the captions are in German. “6000 Briefen Und Karten” means 6000 lettes and postcards. It’s the bag they stuff into the..uh…rocket).

remember this next time you want to trust Wikipedia.

Greenwood Lake Rocket Video

then call us for Hot Rocket Phone Sex.

[Nibbler explains the Giant Brains' plan]
Leela: You mean those giant brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?
[Nibbler chatters]
Leela: Ooooooooooh. Stupid-ER.

[having been trapped in a parallel universe]
Giant Brain #1: Well, here we are. Trapped for eternity.
Giant Brain #2: We could sing ‘American Pie’.
Fry: Go ahead. I deserve it.

Leela: Well, at least here you’ll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator.

 Call 1 866 SEXY-832 and tell them you want Phone Sex with Leela.

Then go to My Love’s Web Site and when you’re done there go have Food! Cute Chefs! Fluttering Hearts!

I’m not done. Here is a quote from President Dwight David Eisenhower, from his speech upon leaving the office of the Presidency in 1961. January 17, 1961. Over 47 years ago. Anyone listening besides the guys making all the money? Next time you download a Kid Rock song or yell for Junior at a NASCAR race you think about who exactly is pulling your strings.

“Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence — economic, political, even spiritual — is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.”

Tonya and I went to the movies yesterday. We saw ‘Tropic Thunder,’ which we both really liked. Robert Downey, Jr. was hilarious and so funny that we’d both probably nominate him for an Oscar (registered etc) if it were up to us. But it isn’t and so he’s probably out of luck.

But that isn’t what’s wrong. What’s wrong had to do with the advertisements they run before movies now. They ran this advertisement with Kid Rock and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. for the National Guard. And it was the biggest piece of nationalistic propaganda you could ever see. It made absolutely no bones about the position it was taking, which was that if you did not merely shut up and get on board with America and fighting and industrial and military stuff then you were just un-American and a person…hell, I’m damned if I know what Kid Rock and Jr. would want to do with you but it can’t be good.

The video shows American power and weaponry. It shows soft hearted American soldiers willing to die for the right of some poor foreign kid to play soccer. Hell the U.S. soldier even kicks the soccer ball back to some kid. But the overall get in line and stand with us or you’re against us mentality just makes me absolutely fearful for our country.

Here. These are the FIRST LINES of the song Kid Rock sings (which by the way, I understand is just about the exact music from his song ‘Jackson Mississippi” but with new words):

So don’t tell me who’s wrong and right
When liberty starts slipping away.
And if you ain’t gonna fight
Get out of the way.

Uh, excuse me. But when “liberty starts slipping away” is EXACTLY WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT WHO IS WRONG AND WHO IS RIGHT. We aren’t supposed to even QUESTION our leaders anymore? The commercial bothers me to no end. Our country is turning…NO…has TURNED into a place where you can’t question anyone and you can’t say anything because you will be ostracized and treated like a traitor or something. You can’t say the simplest things here anymore and you are expected just to get on line with the rest of the country.

Hell they even ran a commercial raising money for CANCER and it was like that. “Stand Up To Cancer,” and it shows all these people standing up and others looking at them and following suit. As if you are, again, un-American should you not stand up. I guess after you stand up you’re supposed to write a check as well. But they focused on the part where EVERYONE had best get the hell up. Together.

Whole thing annoys me. You really CAN’T say stuff anymore. Look at what happened when someone tried to suggest that John McCain might not be the best person to be in charge of foreign policy just because he had been a prisoner of war. Everyone ran away from the statement and got rid of the person who dared speak such words and everyone hid from it. Why? Why is something like that now verboten? And yeah, I use a German word both on purpose and sarcastically. For those of you who are either old or read SOME damn history. Plus, it isn’t even WRONG. After all, truthfully, an ex POW is probably a TERRIBLE person to run foreign policy. Who the hell is going to hold bigger grudges against foreigners? I mean, really.

When I was a kid (damn I sound old), you’d hear people (kids especially) saying things like “You can’t tell me what to say. It’s a free country.”

Do people say that anymore?

howard

Go buy a Phone Sex call while this country still lets you. Be careful they don’t tell you not to put your hands down there. Or maybe they’ll just go all nuts on us and make…oh….Masturbation Monday or something, and you’ll only be allowed to jerk off on Monday, along with all other good Americans. After all, only a commie pinko would masturbate alone on Thursday when he should be getting drunk with his work buddies. Or on Friday when Archie should be taking Betty to the dance. Or Saturday when you should take the wife to the Red Lobster.

I better stop. I’m getting worked up. Go look up the definition of fascism.

No. Most people won’t go look it up. So here’s a definition from the MSN/Encarta online dictionary:

fas·cism [ fá shìzz?m ] or Fas·cism [ fá shìzz?m ]

noun

Definition:

dictatorial movement: any movement, ideology, or attitude that favors dictatorial government, centralized control of private enterprise, repression of all opposition, and extreme nationalism.
______________

ok now i’m going.

i have a ton of stuff that nobody but me is going to be interested in. including my opinion of this dog and pony show the democrats are putting on. and i am going to vote for Obama, by the way. even though i think they’re such dopes that they could actually find some way to LOSE this election. which is hard to believe.

but i’m very busy with all this stuff that you won’t be interested in. so i am only going to say the following:

1) nobody is helping with the hottie of the day and it’s a lot of pressure. btw do you all like olga?

2) Stripper phone sex is hot.

later

me

sorry i’m late putting up today’s hottie. you know it’s a lot of pressure picking a new one every day. and i don’t see any help coming either.

i have a ton of work because i didn’t do anything with the covers yet today (after all we wouldn’t want to have a sunday with no work now, would we?). plus we just came back from Powell’s bookstore (and the supermarket too) and now i have a tremendous amount of books to read on diabetes and nutrition.

i’ve been following the regular recommended american diabetes association diet for a month. plus taking metformin. but someone that both Tonya and i trust told me that he’s been doing well on a low carb diet with a supplement. this made me realize that i really do not have any idea what’s best for me. i’m kind of blindly following the ‘accepted’ diet. i don’t think it can cause much harm. but i have no clue if it helps or not. so i bought like ten different books with different opinions going on (including the one recommended to me, called Good Calories, Bad Calories, by Gary Taubes). i need information. then i need to make up my own mind.

anyway i just wanted to check in. 24 days without a cigarette. and yes the unopened pack is still sitting on my desk. where it can rot and die.

make a hot phone sex call ! the recommended girl of the day is Mandy. go have fun.

so i have like a zillion things i want to do and i might as well just sit here and let the quicksand flow over me and i’ll just sink into it thank you.

first i get up this morning and i’m still bleeding from the stupid deep periodontal cleaning i had yesterday.  did you ever have one of them?  i’ve had it several times and it sucks every time.  they’re basically cleaning the tooth under the gum line.  well how do they get there?  with high pressure jets of water and then by digging up your gum with sharp objects.  it’s just a party let me tell you.  and it’s always done by some happy perky cloying talkative assistant or hygenist or whatever they are that just make you want to be sick…right after you beat the shit out of them.

anyway i’m just a dope because while i tell them about the meds i’m taking, i don’t think about the one for the claudication (the leg/artery thing).  i mean, i TOLD her, but i didn’t really think anything about it.  well i should have.  here’s a listed effect.  it isn’t even a side effect.  it’s just an effect:

“Cilostazol widens arteries that supply blood to the legs. Cilostazol also improves circulation by keeping platelets in the blood from sticking together and clotting.” 

oh.  well what do you think happens when they dig up your gums with sharp objects.  yes, correct.  you bleed.  and i will let you all know when i finally bleed out completely.  like a damn hemophiliac.  anyway most of the teeth are finally clotting now and i’m trying not to dislodge anything heaven forbid the clots have to start over. 

so i wake up and find this crap going on, and in the meantime i have to get cleaned up (and brush my teeth without some major disaster) and then find buffy, who has a vet appointment at 10:45.  where’s buffy?  i don’t know.  she certainly isn’t HOME or anything like that.  so somewhere in the middle of bleeding and eating more oatmeal and taking pills i’m also yelling out the door for the dopey cat.  ever yell for a cat to come home?  let me know how it works for you.

so i sit here and do a little work (and i mean LITTLE) and her royal highness Buffy decides to come home.  she scratches at the door and yells at me until i open it, runs over to the food and eats, and runs upstairs.  ok.  i go get the carrier.  put the wipes/towels in.  where’s Buffy?  yes that’s correct also.  she’s hiding under the bed.  in the middle.  away from the sides.  near the wall.  under the KING SIZE BED.  i call to her.  idiot me.  she shrinks up against the wall.

interruption.  a girl at work (feel free to visit. Bay City Blues Phone Sex) has two calls at the same time, is trying to dispatch one of them to herself, i get the other guy on dispatch and have to help the girl while telling the guy what’s happening and when he can call back. after i figure out for myself just what is going on here. since she shows AVAILABLE and doesn’t have either one. sigh. interruption over.

where was i? buffy under the bed. i fooled her though. i opened the door to the deck. then i cooed at her and moved over like it was all cool. she comes out a little bit and goes for the door. i leap over slam the door grab buffy and shove her in the carrier (yes i was smart enough to bring it upstairs), shoving her ass in with her head first and finally closing the door on her behind. gollum watches about…oh….three seconds of this before TAKING OFF at his top speed (which isn’t what it used to be). gollum does NOT like the carrier.

i finally got coffee after i got back. that means i had no coffee until like 11:30 or so. which is way off my usual time which is like right away gimme coffee i need coffee.

so i sit down and i finally sign in on dispatch and get settled. and i got to talk to my honey Tonya! she’s away doing a show. it’s only a couple of days and i’m glad she gets to do stuff she likes but i miss her right away. i guess that’s good cause it lets me know how special she is. but i don’t like the missing part.

so anyway i sit down and i want background stuff. which this week is olympic stuff. right now, for example, i have the netherlands vs. germany in men’s field hockey. nobody has scored and i have no clue if this is the first round or the gold medal game. so when i flip through to set up the tv stations, i see that scifi has a couple of episodes of Tru Calling running. i liked that show. i saw pretty much all of the episodes i think, though the last half dozen didn’t run right away when it got cancelled. the very last one only ran earlier this year on scifi and i haven’t seen that one yet. Tonya says to me that the only reason i like the show (and it was canned in less then two years so there couldn’t have been a whole lot of people who watched it) is that i obviously have a thing about Eliza Dushku. now i want to ask all of you. take a look here and tell me how anyone could have a thing about Eliza Dushku. i mean really now.